2020: An Open Letter
“Reality is that which refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.” – Philip K. Dick
It’s kinda weird to write a short memoir after a year like 2020. And it’s also kinda weird to share my yearly photo with fireworks that look like a freedom pigeon; in a year without fireworks and with a bit less freedom than before. And still I’d like to write something about my own year.
“If I could only reach you.. that would really be my breakthu..” / Queen – Breakthru (The Miracle, 1989)
A year ago I wrote about my life goals. My daily life goals that I chase every day. I’ve got two of them, which are having a positive impact on the people around me and to taking care of my mental health. Looking back, I’m not sure how well I’ve achieved them. The first one isn’t up to me to decide; the second one could definitely have been worse, but it could’ve been much better as well. It sounds like I write this last sentence every year, but it’s the truth; I can’t make life more beautiful than it is.
“If this is reality then I guess I’m not alive, because I don’t know a life in where I can’t make things right.” / Hotel Books – Nicole (I’m Almost Happy Here, But I Never Feel at Home, 2014)
Or can I? As you read, I started this Open Letter with a quote from Philip K. Dick. A quote I came across when I was reading about social movements for my thesis. I thought it’s a beautiful description of reality. But it also tells us an important thing; to believe in something.
“They say that we’re dreaming too big.. I say this town’s too small.” / Ryan Star – Brand New Day (Last Train Home EP, 2009)
How was my year in reality? Some things were quite good. One of the highlights should be that I’ve finally graduated and got my Master degree. But to me, it doesn’t really feel that special. I’m glad I’ve finished it, I’m glad the pressure is gone, but I don’t feel proud about it. I can’t. Though I’m happy I finally succeeded.
Still, there are things I’m happier about. For example that I’ve finally decided to pick up writing on a regular basis and that I’ve started my own website. I’ve always said that writing is something I want to do in the future, but if I keep on saying that, it’ll never happen. No; the future is now. To me, writing is not just about stimulating my creative side, but also about overcoming so many doubts about my writings and, because my writings are very personal, about myself. Sometimes it’s very confronting to write things down, and even more difficult to share them with others.
“Don’t tell me that this isn’t real. Don’t tell me this ain’t how I feel. This is all I have.” / NF – All I Have (Mansion, 2015)
But let’s finish where we started. About things that refuse to go away when I stop believing in it. If you’re reading this, you’re still here; you’re still part of reality. You don’t just disappear once you start doubting yourself and stop believing in yourself. No. So the important thing is; keep believing. Not only in yourself, but in all the other things that do disappear when you stop believing in them. Because life is more than just reality. Life can be so much more beautiful and better with more than just reality. And that’s my wish for you for 2021; keep believing. And make it a beautiful year!
“Let’s open our eyes to the brand new day.” / Ryan Star – Brand New Day (Last Train Home EP, 2009)